From My Calloused Heart To Love

Since reading Ben's blog about our hearts becoming calloused, I began to see how my own heart had become wounded and walls I put up to prevent future pain. I see two main results of my heart becoming calloused. One: I sort of stopped inviting people to the Rock. Two: I stopped letting my heart get super-attached to brothers and sisters at the Rock.

More on One: In previous years, I was constantly inviting people to the Rock. I wanted to see changed lives and was convinced that coming to the Rock was a good first step. Looking back, I can see a couple reasons that I stopped doing this. A. I was kind of burnt out from inviting and organizing and keeping track of the people I brought at the Rock, and basically needed to be refreshed at the Rock. B. I had shared the gospel with two of my best friends from high school, they came to the Rock a few times, and they still don' t know the Lord. So then I started thinking well what do unbelievers really get out of coming to the Rock? And had decided in my heart that the Rock was to spur on the saints.

I heard at a Josh McDowell conference once that our beliefs shape our actions. And boy is it true. I subconsciously believed that the Rock is for the saints and I need to be refreshed, so I did not go out of my way to invite/bring people. Besides, if I didn't bring anyone, my hopes of them coming to know the Lord would not lead to disappointment.

I have since shared this with a couple of my life group girls and we talked about inviting unbelievers to the Rock being good because they get to meet your friends, see the love of the saints (for one another and for them), they get to hear truth, you can talk about what they thought of the message and figure out more where they're at.

And we don't have power over people being saved. We are called to love and part of loving people is telling them what is true and praying our socks off. It is the Spirit that has to come upon them. It is between them and God. So I will keep loving my friends from high school, keep hoping and praying that they would believe and be saved, pick the callous on my heart that it may bleed again.

More on Two: So I was first introduced to the Great Commission (GC) Churches through the Des Moines church. Most people there are committed to their local church and because of their commitment, as a church they have been able to make great strides for the kingdom in the Des Moines area. When I came to college, almost three years ago, I thought this commitment to the local church and this church being what people do with their lives was a characteristic of all GC Churches. So I plugged in to the Rock here in Ames with the mindset that we're all going to do this together forever or until some are sent on a church plant. As I began to realize that very few dear brothers and sisters were not of this mindset, my hopes were again disappointed. And as a result, my subconscious mindset became 'well, I don't want to cry when they graduate and leave so I'll just hold back and not get too close to them.' Now, as I am aware of this, I realize that I would much rather love the saints and the lost with all of Christ's love, allowing my heart and mind to be connected to people by praying for them and pouring into them and letting them pour into me, and I would much rather have lots of tears at their departure than "protecting" my heart for years.

Despite these things, God still used me this past year. Yea, for the gospel. God's ability to use us is not dependent us. He is in the process of purifying us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). He is building His kingdom through the righteous acts of rebels. God is able to use us even in, maybe even especially in, our broken, screwed up state. Glory to the Lord on high.

Here are some things I read yesterday about love: (these first bits are12, from the Faithwalkers Journal October 12, 13, 14, 15 2009 By John Meyer)

"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." Galatians 5:6b Here's an important truth: what you bring into the world as a Christian is only what you know of the love of Jesus Christ.

"When you sow, you do not plant the body that will be, but just a seed..." 1 Cor. 15:37

You are one who is designed by God. You are one is loved by God. Everything God makes, he loves, except what sin mars, and in a believer's life, God says, "I'm getting it back." And that is what redemption is all about: God seeing exactly who you are, exactly who He wanted you to be, exactly as He made you the perfect seed.

If you look at yourself and say, "Well, you know, God could have had better taste," remember, you're only a seed. Seeds are sort of ugly and wrinkly. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 15 that when a seed is planted, what comes up is not what went down. You're going to be glorious and what you are right now was created to become wonderful and beautiful in the eyes of God. That is who we are. If that's not true-if you and I are not a wonder and a glory-nothing else is true.

Yet, if you didn't wake up this morning just totally over-joyed like Steele Croswhite is all the time-if you didn't wake up like that, all over-joyed in the love of God, you weren't believing it this morning. No way. You can't believe that an infinite, holy, absolutely perfect God passionately loves you and not be excited about it. It's not possible. I mean, I'm excited when a guy I don't know across the hall likes me, you know?

That excitement is what moved the early believers.

Jesus said to his disciples, "As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you. Now remain in my love." John 15:9 The early Christians were driven by the same thing: "For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this: that one died for all..." 2 Cor. 5:12 That was their mindset. So we must understand this reality -the love of Christ lays a claim on our lives.

"As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you." The Father just loves Jesus, and Jesus just loves you. "Now remain in His love"-and you're saying, "Oh man, tell me where to stand! I want to remain in His love! Tell me, I want to know where it's coming down. I just want to stand there, like a shower -Lord, just let it roll over me! I need to be washed in it!"

Jesus says, "It's not too complicated." John 15:10, 12 "If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in His love...My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.

There's a dimension of love that is no matter what you do: you can blow up my house and I can love you. But when that happens, we don't have any relationship. Jesus didn't say that he would withdraw His love; He just says, "You stepped out of it. It's over here."

I've also read some in a book called, "A Love Worth Giving" By Max Lucado. He references Luke 7 with Jesus eating at Simon's house and the woman washing His feet with her tears.

He says, "You'd think Simon of all people would show such love. Is he not the reverend of the church, the student of Scripture? But he is harsh, distant. You'd think the woman would avoid Jesus. Is she not the woman of the night, the town hussy? But she can't resist him. Simon's "love" is calibrated and stingy. Her love, is extravagant and risky." The love from my calloused heart, had become calibrated and stingy. Lord, may our love be extravagant and risky!

Lucado continues that the difference between Simon and the woman was that she came thirsty, gulping down the goblet of grace, drinking until "mercy flowed down her chin and onto her neck and chest." Whereas Simon didn't know he was thirsty. He didn't need grace, he analyzed. He doesn't request mercy, he debates it. It's not that he couldn't be forgiven just that he never asks. While she drinks up, he puffs up. She has ample love to give. He has none to offer.

We can't give what we haven't received. Yet we try to love others without Christ's love. "As if we could conjure up love by the sheer force of will...What's our typical strategy for treating a troubled relationship? Try harder." I'm suppose to forgive and love. "So we try. Teeth clenched. Jaw firm. We're going to love if it kills us!"

"Could it be we are missing a step? Could it be that the first step of love is not toward them but toward him? Could it be the secret of loving is receiving? You give love by first receiving it." John 4:19 We love because he first loved us.

Long to be more loving? Accept that you are a dearly loved child. "Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us." Eph. 5:1-2

Want to forgive? "A person who is forgiven little shows only little love." Luke 7:47 We're wretches, sinners, and rebels toward God, consider how you've been forgiven. "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ forgave you." Eph. 4:32

Finding it hard to put others first? Think of how Christ put you first. "Though he was God, he did not demand and cling to his rights as God." Phil.2:6.

Patience? "The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance." 2 Peter 3:9

Generosity? Putting up with people? God put up with you. Luke 6:35 "But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful."

"Can't we love like this? Not without God's help we can't. Oh, we may succeed for a time. But if we haven't received these things ourselves, how can we give them to others? Apart from God,'the heart is deceitful above all things' Jer. 17:9.

A marriage-saving love is not within us. A friendship-saving devotion cannot be found in our hearts. Spouses need foot-washings. Friends need a flood of tears. Children need to be covered in the oil of our love. Start by receiving God's love."

And I'm only on page 7. : /